08-07-2007, 09:32 AM
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 | Travelforum Member | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 34
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 Dad's Funeral
Hi everyone
I am feeling very lost, confused and just plain screwed up at the moment so I am not going to go on about everything here but rest assured that I am okay, or as okay as I can be I guess.
I wanted to say thank you for all of your beautiful messages and for all the support you have given me. It really has been overwhelming.
I thought that seeing as many of you (who, I might add, I consider friends) have followed my Dad's battle with me, you may like to read the poem I wrote for Dad's funeral (it was read out as his coffin was lowered) and the speech I miraculously managed to deliver (although most of which, I imagine, was incomprehensible due to the wavering voice and tears). Both were done under extreme pressure the night before the funeral and on a severe lack of sleep. Neither are what I wanted them to be ... perfect, but I guess it's not a perfect situation is it?
Anyway, here they are... We weren’t ready to say goodbye
we weren’t ready to let go
We held your hands through it all
and told you we loved you so.
The tears welled in our eyes
as we watched your inspiring fight
We reassured you that you’d be okay
and we prayed that we were right.
We reminisced at your bedside
with stories old and new
We talked of all the good times
and laughed at the things you’d do.
As the hours went by
we were revived with new hope
Perhaps you’d pull through this
just maybe you could cope.
When the clock struck midnight
you had proved the doctors wrong
You managed to last through the day
and showed them you were strong.
Not long after that
you must have decided your time had come
We watched as you took your last breath
and listened to Sally hum.
She reassured you your girls would be fine
that everything would be okay
All the while we prayed though our tears
that, with us, you could stay.
We each kissed you one last time
while tears streamed down our face
We each expressed our love for you
and gave you one last embrace.
From that moment on
we knew our lives would never be the same
We’d forever have a broken heart
we’d forever cry out your name.
We’ll never be ready to say goodbye
we’ll never be ready to let go
But Pa, we’;; be loving you forever
and we’ll forever tell you so. And now this is my "speech"... Before I get started, I’d like to thank you all for the overwhelming love and support you have shown…not only to my sisters and I, but that which you have also shown to our Pa throughout his life. I would like to thank a few people by name whom have been incredible throughout this past week.
Mick – we can never repay you for what you have done for us…and our Dad. We are eternally grateful to you.
Mum – you have been there for us through it all and offered us so much love and support and we can’t thank you enough for that.
Shelley – I can honestly say I don’t know where we’d be if it wasn’t for you. Thank you so much for making our Dad’s last year the best he’s ever had. You will always have a place in our hearts and our family.
“My Girls” – you all know who you are. Thank you all for the work you’ve put in, the love you’ve shown and the support you’ve offered…nobody could ask for better friends.
And lastly, I’d like to thank the Clark family…for always being there for us.
............................
I have been agonising day after day about this speech. For those of you who know me well, you’ll know that I would strive for nothing less than perfection with this…and why wouldn’t I? After all, this is a tribute to my Pa – and he deserves nothing but perfection. The question is though, how do you say goodbye to somebody you love more than life itself? Somebody who would sing you to sleep every night? Somebody who would surround you with so much love so you never felt alone? Somebody who worked hard their whole life just to ensure you had it easier than they did? Somebody you worshiped with every ounce of your being? Truth be told, I still don’t know the answer or how to go about all of this. I suppose it’s fair to say that, at the end of the day, I’d much rather not have to say goodbye at all. But yet, here we are, doing just that.
I guess I was naive enough to think that, despite Dad’s illness, this day would never come…that I’d never have to stand before you, doing the unthinkable. I guess I’m still somewhat hoping that this is all a nightmare…that I’ll wake at any moment and see my Pa’s cheeky grin and sparkling eyes and feel his strong arms wrapped around me…only then will things feel right again.
At this very moment, I feel nothing but heartache. Actually, I have never felt such intense pain before. I guess that’s what happens when the person you love most in the world gets taken from you much too soon…your whole world comes crashing down and you’re left with nothing but emptiness…and an eerie feeling that nothing will ever be the same again.
What I do know is I could tell you all a hundred funny memories of Dad – like the time we went to Kalbarri and left Dad at home to look after our new fish. When we returned, we noticed Dad had bought a huge, brand new, impressive fish tank which had two tropical fish swimming in it that held no resemblance to the two goldfish we had entrusted to Dad…and yet Dad had thought that we wouldn’t have even noticed the difference.
I could also tell you a thousand beautiful memories of Dad – the most recent being when he entered the surprise party we threw him in June to celebrate his life and show him how loved he is. If you look at the photo we have placed next to his coffin, that will show you how happy he was that night…and we all played a part in creating that happiness for him.
I could also tell you a million different things I’ll miss about Dad – such as crawling into bed with him on the weekends and having him hug me whilst we’d talk about everything and anything all at once…
If I told you all these things, they wouldn’t bring my Dad back, nor would they help me to stay strong throughout this speech and I know Dad would want me to get through this…he’s want his “Bubby Girl” to make him proud.
I guess its simple really…all I have to do now is to say how I feel about Dad…after all, there is nothing as perfect as love…
Pa, I love you – more than this speech could possibly express in words. I have always loved you, and I always will. I will miss you more than you could ever imagine. I will miss you every second of every day. I will be forever thankful for having the privilege of being your daughter. I have the greatest respect for you Pa, and I am so proud to have you as my Dad. You truly are one of God’s finest. You are the most amazing, strong, inspiring and loving person I have ever known and I can only hope to be half the person you are. You will forever be a part of me and I will make you proud…that, I promise you.
I have come to realise whilst writing this speech that nothing I say here will compensate for the huge sense of loss we all feel, nor will it do my Dad justice for he is simply too good for words. And as far as what I’ve learned about how to say goodbye? Well, I’m not going to. Instead Pa, I’ll be seeing you soon – in my dreams…where we can sing, laugh, dance and talk forever – as that’s as close to perfection as we’re going to get.
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I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it’s not some place you can look for. Because it’s not where you go … its how you feel for a moment in your life. If you find that moment … it lasts forever. |